I went and bought a Pandora charm for one of my dear friends. Walking into the store brought back memories of my very own collection of charms and I started to wonder where it ended up. When I came home, I looked for it everywhere. One hour passed, then two. Boxes and drawers were opened all around me, contents sprawled across the floor. I couldn’t find it anywhere. I have somehow lost it; probably during a move or maybe subconsciously choosing to hide it in a place where I cannot find it. Maybe I knew that looking at the charms would remind me of all the people I’ve said goodbye to.
Each charm on my bracelet was a gift from a lover, or a friend. I can recall the memories of receiving each one perfectly in my head. That’s what makes it so sweet and yet so bitter. I so desperately wanted to find this bracelet to re-live each moment but at the same time I was relieved that it was nowhere to be found. I wanted to reminisce but at the same time I wanted to forget and let go.
How did people vanish from my life so gracefully? How can a friendship of seven years transform into something so ugly? How can someone go from being your other half to being a stranger on the other side of the world? How can a friend you once considered a sister become engaged and you’re not even sure if you’ll be invited to the wedding? How can you spill all your secrets to someone during one period and never hear from them ever again?
I don’t know. I don’t understand. But I do know that I don’t want this to happen again.
Or maybe it’s not about who still is or isn’t in my life. Maybe it’s the impact that they made on my heart and the everlasting effects of their footprints. After all, these people that once meant the world to me have boiled down to being just that, footprints on my heart.